In Praise of Sweatpants.

This one is for Michael Catangay!

I love sweatpants. It's true. Those of you who know me, know this. If at all possible, I will wear sweatpants...or sweatpants' close cousin--yoga pants for every occasion. (I know, I know, images of those with abundantly endowed rears are running through your mind. But I would like it noted for the record, while my rear is indeed rather abundant, it is also quite firm. So, advice to mothers: teach your daughters to skate. Years pushing myself around a disco ball have meant my quads and glutes remain rock hard despite epic fluctuations in my weight over the years.) But even though sweatpants are the preferred apparel for the weight unstable and the New Jersey housewife, sweatpants have other exemplary qualities besides the expandable, elastic waistband. And I'll list them now:

1. They are usually made out of cotton. Now, I don't know if it's because I'm southern, my grandmother raised the crop and it's just in my blood, but I find cotton to be the most superior and luxurious of fabrics. In a battle between silk and cotton, cotton beats those little worms work til it's one with the earth.
2. They allow me to bend and move in every possible way, making my time on the floor, which I spend quite a bit, ever so comfortable.
3. I'm ready for exercise with no notice what's so ever. I'm not a scheduler. My day takes me where it will, so when I'm ready for a walk or the gym...I'm ready!
4. I'm ready for a nap. As I have discovered recently, I'm part feline, which explains my constant napping and nocturnal activities. And as I explained in #3, I never know where the day is gonna take me, but if there is a mat, or a soft cushion of grass, sofa, bed, whatever...I'm ready for my nap!
5. It's easy to get them out of the way when I wish to hop on my bike and take a ride. No embarrassing shots of my special places if I wear a skirt and no possible crashes due to my jeans creeping down and getting caught in the gears.
6. They're easy.
7. And if you get them dirty or stained, no tears because they were cheap.
8. They go perfectly with American Apparel tees and my Nike sneaks.

Now, I am well aware they aren't the most fashionable clothing choice and perhaps I'd met a better caliber of mate if I wore my wrap dress and stilettos, but honestly life is hard enough without being comfortable. So, here's to the sweatpant: you will always have a place in my closet.