Be Italian.

(originally posted on September 18, 2007 on myspace)

As I have already confessed, I have a huge amount of parking tickets. I just got another one today. It seems that parking on Sunset Blvd. in excess of two hours constitutes a $35 fine. So it seems I now owe LA county more than my car is actually worth. But I have a way out. A way out of the parking woes. A way out of fines. A way out of paying to park in huge parking structures for everything from the movies to the gym to Target. A Vespa! Ooooohhh, wouldn't I look good on a little Vespa? I could deck it out all Paul Frank....no HELLO KITTY! I could get a pink helmet to match. I would wear little sundresses and dart in and out of traffic. I would finally get to meet Kiefer, because he would be so charmed by my mode of transport that he would stop me and ask me out. It's a perfect plan. Well, near perfect. As with anything in my life I require some approval, or atleast I like to hear dissenting opinions about my ideas from two people. The first call was to Jim Davies. Me: "I am thinking about getting a Ves..." Jim: "Absolutely not." Me: "But it i..." Jim: "No."

Now, when Jim tells me no, or explains why anything is a bad idea, I call my next friend, who is more...um, free from such constraint of logic and who has a more free spirited approach to life. Stacy Melich. Me: "So I have this idea of doing something, but I don't want to say right now." Stace: "What is it?" Me: "I'm thinking of getting a Vespa." Stace: "Goddamn it Montica."

After telling another friend of mine of my plan, he simply responded: "I better get the wool suit out, I'm going to a funeral soon."

What's with all the doom and gloom on my beautiful plans of becoming Bridgette Bardot in LA? I know, I know. I'm a little clumsy. But I really want a bike. And I don't want to pay these parking tickets. I have much better use for this money. I need highlights...and a t.v